Bolt of Blue

I randomly came across a live journal that mentioned River Phoenix’s passing. He died on Halloween back in 1993.

A memory of that night came flooding back. One I have not thought of in so many years… it’s like that night never happened and someone so talented, troubled and beautiful was not taken too soon.

I drove by the Viper Room that night. I don’t remember how or why but I was with a young friend of mine and our parents were out at a party. We didn’t have anything to do so we drove around Hollywood…

The next morning, I turned on the TV to learn about River Phoenix.

Taken from Tlace (are you serious about my Eli/Felicity story?!?!?)…

I WANT: At the moment, a hug from my boy. In general, to travel the world.

I REGRET: That I gave up on running and didn’t train as hard as I could have. I will always wonder at what I could have accomplished back when I was competing. There are plenty of other things I regret but I try not to cause then I’d just always be living in the past.

I WISH: At the moment, a hug from my boy. In general, love and happiness for this entire fucked up planet.

I LOVE: My boy.

I HATE: Hate.

I MISS: My grandma. My boy.

I SEE: My computer screen decorated with dozens of silly stickers, little toys propped on top and the Michael and Maria Roswell trading card taped to one side.

I HEAR: People talking. Chairs moving. Myself typing.

I SEARCH: For the next moment when I love life.

I WONDER: If I’ll ever have children and if I truly want to. Oh… and I also wonder about death.

I KNOW: That I’m insane.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU…

SMILED? Reading some dialogue from Pride and Prejudice.

DANCED? Really and truly went nuts dancing would have been a week from last Monday.

GOT HAMMERED? Er… some months I guess but I’ve haven’t really gotten that bad in years.

KISSED SOMEONE? My mom’s cheek doesn’t really count… so let’s see… 17 days ago.

HUGGED SOMEONE? Tuesday night.

HAD A NIGHTMARE? Er… not sure. A couple of weeks ago I guess.

LAST THING YOU READ: Glitter Fox’s Live Journal

LAST MOVIE YOU SAW ON THE BIG SCREEN: Hmm… I’m not sure. I think it would be Tuck Everlasting. Though I’m going to see AOTC on Imax tomorrow night.

LAST PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED: Probably my boyfriend’s.

LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED ON TV: Technically, That 70′s Show.

LAST SONG YOU HEARD: Villa Rosie by Blur.

LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK: Water.

LAST THING YOU ATE: Some pistachio nuts.

DO YOU…

SMOKE? No. And I’ve never tried a cigarette in my life either.

SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? Of course!

HAVE A CRUSH? I guess so. Depends on what you define as crush. Cause the way I view them, I get crushes all the time. I get crushes on animals. TV shows. Movies.

HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? Yes.

HAVE A DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK? Not really.

REMEMBER YOUR FIRST LOVE? Yes.

STILL LOVE HIM/HER? Yes.

READ THE NEWSPAPER? Not anymore since I don’t get the LA Times now that I’m on my own. Boo. I miss it.

HAVE ANY GAY OR LESBIAN FRIENDS? Yes.

BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? Yes and no. I’m kind of mixed up regarding such things.

BELIEVE IT’S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER? Yes.

CONSIDER YOURSELF TOLERANT OF OTHERS? Yes. Too much considering people, in general, are not tolerant.

LIKE THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL? Yes. No vodka for me. Beer is yummy. So are gin and tonics.

BELIEVE IN GOD? I want to.

HAVE ANY SECRETS? Of course. Don’t we all?

HAVE ANY PETS? Kind of. I consider the two adorable tortoises that live at my parents’ somewhat mine as I know one day, if they remain healthy I will be taking care of them since they will outlive us all.

GO TO OR PLAN TO GO TO UNIVERSITY? Yes, I went and graduated and left.

HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? My ears but I had no choice in the matter (my mom got me pierced as a baby) and I never ever wear earring unless I’m forced.

HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Yes, 3 with at least 3 more coming.

HATE YOURSELF? Sometimes. But I try not to.

HAVE A BEST FRIEND? Yes.

HAVE ANY BAD HABITS? Of course.

CARE ABOUT LOOKS? Yes and no. I don’t really care that much otherwise I’d wear make-up everyday and work out like mad or something. In general, I do like to look nice but I’m more concerned about comfort.

TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Yes. Which is usually a really bad thing. I’m far too friendly and open sometimes. Yet, very few people really know me since I’m only trusting and open about certain aspects of my life depending on who I meet.

LIKE SARCASM? Oh yeah.

TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN? Sometimes by choice and sometimes out of necessity.

KISS WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED? Usually.

SING IN THE SHOWER? No.

HAVE ANY SCARS? Far too many. Just got one the other day from banging my hand on a doorway. I’m so clumsy.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Hope you enjoy the day safely and have plenty of fun.

I’m boring. Did not dress up. Am not going out. Just heading over to my parents’ to hang and pass out candy to all the kids. Woohoo. I’ve never really been big on Halloween anyways… I have to see the altar my mom has set up too and bring over some photos and such to add to it. I’m a nerd and always need to have a photo of Steve McQueen included. Maybe that’s like sacrilegious, but since I’m not religious and he means something to both my mom and me, meh. We celebrate Día de los Muertos even though we aren’t Catholic or rather I’m not. My mom was raised as Catholic but doesn’t practice anymore and heck, the Day of the Dead is not really Catholic anyways. Each year, my mom goes more all out… last year, the altar took up the entire dinning room table, complete with nuts, pan dulce, candles, shot glasses, tequila, fruit, flowers, and candies. I missed out on helping her create one this year and I’m a bit bummed… I’ve been so busy with other things that seem less important now… it’s also part of adjusting to not living at home where I’m more involved with my parents’ lives. I know my mom misses how close we used to be. So do I.

It’s really messed up about Jam Master Jay. I kept seeing a news crawl on MTV but I kept missing the first part. I flipped to E! and saw it on there and gasped in shock. So sad… and yet another reason why gun control is a good thing. But I digress.

I caught Persuasion on TV last night. I seem to always get teary eyed when I see a film adaptation of a Jane Austen novel by the end. It was a pretty chopped up version since it was on TV. Might have to rent it to see what I missed. I then caught this Jane Austen bug. I’ve never read anything by her as I wasn’t all that interested and pretty sure that I wouldn’t like any of her novels. I did a little searching to see what is considered her best work or what a first-timer should start with… there was no consensus from what I could tell. I did find that you can read most of her work online. So now I’m reading Pride and Prejudice… which I always thought was going to be very long and dry, but so far, I’m into chapter 6 and it’s flying by and much easier to read than I had expected. I should get an actual copy of the book but I wanted to know if it would be worthwhile and I believe it is. Once I’m done I want to watch the version of Pride and Prejudice that I’ve heard so many folks have drooled over.

I’m officially demented and obsessed. Of course, I already knew this about myself… but yeah. I’ve rewatched the two episodes of That 70′s Show so many times now it’s ridiculous. I about cried and pissed in my pants during the first viewing. “Ow, my eye!” “Good god, she is hot!” “God help me I am!” It was so freaking hilarious. I so wish I had taped the first two episodes of the season. Oh well. I think if I had, it would be a bad thing for my health.

I mean… my freaking god, I’ve started some fan fic about Hyde and Jackie. Help me.

Two things have so far made my day.

American Cinematheque is doing a Steve McQueen retrospective at the Egyptian. I want to go and see every single screening. I think I’m definitely going to see The Great Escape, Bullitt, The Thomas Crown Affair, and The Magnificent Seven. I wish they were playing Love With the Proper Stranger as that’s my favorite Steve film… but just to see anything on the big screen with him is going to be such a treat.

And season one of Felicity is coming out on DVD. Oh yeah. I can’t wait to get The Fugue. Simon Rex. Eli. Yum. Plus the last episodes of that season where full of Felicity and Ben chemistry lessons.

I didn’t go to see Haven last night… which I guess turned out to be good since they didn’t end up performing. Poor Iwan got all of his wisdom teeth pulled and has been out of commission for a while.

HOORAY! New That 70′s Show episodes tonight. A full hour of Hyde and Jackie goodness!

First… it was Simon LeBon’s birthday yesterday. A day to listen to loads and loads of Duran Duran. Which Eddie and I did on the drive back from San Jose…

The Bridge School benefit concert was amazing. I’m so glad I went. Thom Yorke was incredible. Absolutely stunning to see him play alone, either with a guitar or on piano. He sounded really good and also looked great and appeared to be having a great experience. Everyone else who performed that day was pretty cool… though I did miss out on a few acts while I got food and stole glances at the Angel/Giants game that was playing on every TV by all the snack stands. I was secretly thrilled the Angels won.

LeAnn Rimes actually impressed me. And Ryan Adams put me to sleep. Go figure. It was a lovely (and freezing) evening. Neil Young, James Taylor and the Foo Fighters were also excellent.

Now I’m back home… with so much to do I feel like I’m choking. I want to see Haven tonight but I just don’t have the time to. I’m getting a friend’s sofa chair. And free furniture is more important I think. Ah well… I’m sure I’ll see them again soon enough.

I realized at the concert on Saturday I don’t know jack about music. I can only name one Neil Young song. Ok, two. And when Ryan Adams started singing When the Stars Go Blue, I thought he was covering a Corrs song. Laura, the internet superstar, set me straight as Ryan Adams fans next to me scowled. Dude, he still put me to sleep there for a while and calling Laura helped me from completely passing out. Oh yeah. I rule.

I wanted to thank everyone who commented on the last nutty post of mine. I’m not really tired of the whole blogging thing… just more tired of the internet in general (all the dramas and hate) and of the fansites I run (just all the baggage that can come with it). I got a second wind today and last Friday. I have so many ideas and so much I want to do and improve on. Tlace, you are definitely right that like you, I ultimately do all these sites for myself and I need to ignore those people who try to knock me down (which was happening last week and was partly why I was in such a crappy mood). I contemplated giving away or closing a number of my sites over the weekend… and I still may do this and just focus on the ones that I have the most invested in… but you know, I’m invested in all of my sites. I love each one for different reasons. I know that I spread myself too thin and take on too much. I just need to keep fighting and find the balance to handle it and have fun with creating and maintaining sites I love. And it’s slowly, ever so slowly, coming together.

I just need to rant and vent sometimes. Doesn’t everyone?

Sunday Seven time…

Seven Favorite Scary Movies:

1. The Silence of the Lambs

2. The Others

3. Joyride

4. Halloween

5. The Watcher in the Woods

6. The Shining

7. Signs

Alright… People actually found my site by searching for the following:

Kelly Clarkson, urinals HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

‘Dirrty’ Video Offensive? Um. No. I don’t believe it is.

Michelle Branch sucks Santana GROSS!!!!

Hyde Jackie fic Sorry… I’d go to FanFiction.net to find some good stories there.

boxing ring girl costume Er… no.

This weekend was exhausting. And quite an experience.

La Boheme was incredible. Tears were shed. Eyes and heart were dazzled. I only wish the show was longer. It went far too fast. Plus, I wanted to press pause so many times. There was so much detail… too much to see and take in. I’d love to see it again. Maybe one day it will come to Los Angeles. Or I get a chance to go to New York to see this on Broadway. If you have a chance to see this and are a fan of Moulin Rouge or any of Baz’s work, go see La Boheme. Don’t delay.

I don’t know how but I’m awake. I should be dead asleep. But yeah… I’m awake, my heart is pumping. And somehow, I’m going to attempt to see Haven and Division of Laura Lee tonight.

I wish Haven was on Capitol Records. Virgin is doing a crap job promoting them.

Oh. The Scientist video is BEAUTIFUL. Folks, it’s good to wear your seatbelt.

Blur are back from Morocco with a home movie. Is it just me or is there no sound with the clip that’s up right now. I want to hear what’s going on in this sucker!

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while… Wanted to say thanks to Teresa, Sarah, Tlace and Amanda for your sweet comments regarding my photos from Vancouver. Partly cause of those photos… a certain someone (you know who you are) out there on the ‘net ended up seeing my boy on a bus coming back from UBC. It’s such a small world after all… beauty.

I’ve recently become re-obsessed with Badasses. There is no show on TV right now that I’m watching except for That 70′s Show. I meant to catch Boomtown. Everwood. Birds of Prey. Give Gilmore Girls another try. Even give Buffy a try again. And horror of all horrors, I even tried watching Smallville. But nothing stuck and I was in this depression… missing Roswell, missing Michael and Maria, missing Felicity, missing the X-Files. At least WE has been airing reruns of Felicity. But I’m never home to watch any.

TV sucks. I don’t have the time or energy to watch it anyways. But since they finally got Hyde and Jackie hooking up, I’m so running back to That 70′s Show. I watched it quite a bit a season or two ago when Jackie had a crush on Hyde. I was disappointed it didn’t go further than one date. So yeah… I’m babbling.

Why?

Cause I’m in the worst mood ever. I’m sad. Plain and simple. I am walking around with a frown on my face and tears constantly threatening to spill over. I’m back to not sleeping well. Bah. My head hurts. My heart hurts. Everything hurts.

Though… I did finally finish Majora’s Mask after having the game for 2 years last night. It was a relief. Now I really need a GameCube.

Vote for the Vines. And Ash. And Doves. And Phantom Planet at Launch. You might even win a trip to Holland.

The Graham Coxon/Blur situation gets decidedly worse. Sigh.

Apparently, Rudolph Giuliani has been hired for $4.3 million plus expenses for a one-year contract to advise Mexico City’s mayor on reducing crime. This makes me sick to my stomach. I honestly have no ill-will towards Giuliani but this is ridiculous for so many reasons.

Coldplay’s next single in the US will be Clocks… which I’ve already heard on the radio. England will get the Scientist… and I imagine we will too since a video was shot for it. Yum.

Laura, have you seen this yet? Anyone else so freaking tired of all the next new ‘Strokes’ hype going on around? Next new ‘Stripes’… next new ‘Strokes’… next new ‘Hives’. What happened to Nirvana or hell… the Beatles!? It’s all so boring.

Speaking of boring… I know everyone is all up in arms over Xtina’s new Dirrty video. First off… is it wrong to really dig the song? Is it also wrong to really dig the video? It’s HILARIOUS! This girl is a genius. Her bikini top in the beginning freaking matches with the boxing ring floor pattern! She dances in a boy’s bathroom with urinals overflowing! GENIUS! And Redman… god, the dude looks like he is cracking up during the whole thing. And how could he not? The whole thing has to be tongue-in-cheek and even if it’s not, it’s still hilarious. They even threw in those fetish animal costume people and Redman punches one! All I really wanted to say is… At least it’s not boring! (Cue new videos from Kelly Clarkson, Leann Rimes, Faith Hill, and the list goes on and on and on.) Alright, call me crazy or say I have poor taste. I know this. But did you know that I find the new Santana/Michelle Branch video to be far more offensive?

If you could tell from my previous demented post at all… I had a really nice time in Vancouver. The weekend went too quickly but it was lovely. The weather was amazing and I tried to savor every moment I was there. Now I’m back in Los Angeles. It’s dreary here. Trying to cope. At least I have the La Boheme trip coming up to look forward to.