Bolt of Blue

I randomly came across a live journal that mentioned River Phoenix’s passing. He died on Halloween back in 1993.

A memory of that night came flooding back. One I have not thought of in so many years… it’s like that night never happened and someone so talented, troubled and beautiful was not taken too soon.

I drove by the Viper Room that night. I don’t remember how or why but I was with a young friend of mine and our parents were out at a party. We didn’t have anything to do so we drove around Hollywood…

The next morning, I turned on the TV to learn about River Phoenix.

Taken from Tlace (are you serious about my Eli/Felicity story?!?!?)…

I WANT: At the moment, a hug from my boy. In general, to travel the world.

I REGRET: That I gave up on running and didn’t train as hard as I could have. I will always wonder at what I could have accomplished back when I was competing. There are plenty of other things I regret but I try not to cause then I’d just always be living in the past.

I WISH: At the moment, a hug from my boy. In general, love and happiness for this entire fucked up planet.

I LOVE: My boy.

I HATE: Hate.

I MISS: My grandma. My boy.

I SEE: My computer screen decorated with dozens of silly stickers, little toys propped on top and the Michael and Maria Roswell trading card taped to one side.

I HEAR: People talking. Chairs moving. Myself typing.

I SEARCH: For the next moment when I love life.

I WONDER: If I’ll ever have children and if I truly want to. Oh… and I also wonder about death.

I KNOW: That I’m insane.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU…

SMILED? Reading some dialogue from Pride and Prejudice.

DANCED? Really and truly went nuts dancing would have been a week from last Monday.

GOT HAMMERED? Er… some months I guess but I’ve haven’t really gotten that bad in years.

KISSED SOMEONE? My mom’s cheek doesn’t really count… so let’s see… 17 days ago.

HUGGED SOMEONE? Tuesday night.

HAD A NIGHTMARE? Er… not sure. A couple of weeks ago I guess.

LAST THING YOU READ: Glitter Fox’s Live Journal

LAST MOVIE YOU SAW ON THE BIG SCREEN: Hmm… I’m not sure. I think it would be Tuck Everlasting. Though I’m going to see AOTC on Imax tomorrow night.

LAST PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED: Probably my boyfriend’s.

LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED ON TV: Technically, That 70′s Show.

LAST SONG YOU HEARD: Villa Rosie by Blur.

LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK: Water.

LAST THING YOU ATE: Some pistachio nuts.

DO YOU…

SMOKE? No. And I’ve never tried a cigarette in my life either.

SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? Of course!

HAVE A CRUSH? I guess so. Depends on what you define as crush. Cause the way I view them, I get crushes all the time. I get crushes on animals. TV shows. Movies.

HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? Yes.

HAVE A DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK? Not really.

REMEMBER YOUR FIRST LOVE? Yes.

STILL LOVE HIM/HER? Yes.

READ THE NEWSPAPER? Not anymore since I don’t get the LA Times now that I’m on my own. Boo. I miss it.

HAVE ANY GAY OR LESBIAN FRIENDS? Yes.

BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? Yes and no. I’m kind of mixed up regarding such things.

BELIEVE IT’S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER? Yes.

CONSIDER YOURSELF TOLERANT OF OTHERS? Yes. Too much considering people, in general, are not tolerant.

LIKE THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL? Yes. No vodka for me. Beer is yummy. So are gin and tonics.

BELIEVE IN GOD? I want to.

HAVE ANY SECRETS? Of course. Don’t we all?

HAVE ANY PETS? Kind of. I consider the two adorable tortoises that live at my parents’ somewhat mine as I know one day, if they remain healthy I will be taking care of them since they will outlive us all.

GO TO OR PLAN TO GO TO UNIVERSITY? Yes, I went and graduated and left.

HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? My ears but I had no choice in the matter (my mom got me pierced as a baby) and I never ever wear earring unless I’m forced.

HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Yes, 3 with at least 3 more coming.

HATE YOURSELF? Sometimes. But I try not to.

HAVE A BEST FRIEND? Yes.

HAVE ANY BAD HABITS? Of course.

CARE ABOUT LOOKS? Yes and no. I don’t really care that much otherwise I’d wear make-up everyday and work out like mad or something. In general, I do like to look nice but I’m more concerned about comfort.

TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Yes. Which is usually a really bad thing. I’m far too friendly and open sometimes. Yet, very few people really know me since I’m only trusting and open about certain aspects of my life depending on who I meet.

LIKE SARCASM? Oh yeah.

TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN? Sometimes by choice and sometimes out of necessity.

KISS WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED? Usually.

SING IN THE SHOWER? No.

HAVE ANY SCARS? Far too many. Just got one the other day from banging my hand on a doorway. I’m so clumsy.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Hope you enjoy the day safely and have plenty of fun.

I’m boring. Did not dress up. Am not going out. Just heading over to my parents’ to hang and pass out candy to all the kids. Woohoo. I’ve never really been big on Halloween anyways… I have to see the altar my mom has set up too and bring over some photos and such to add to it. I’m a nerd and always need to have a photo of Steve McQueen included. Maybe that’s like sacrilegious, but since I’m not religious and he means something to both my mom and me, meh. We celebrate Día de los Muertos even though we aren’t Catholic or rather I’m not. My mom was raised as Catholic but doesn’t practice anymore and heck, the Day of the Dead is not really Catholic anyways. Each year, my mom goes more all out… last year, the altar took up the entire dinning room table, complete with nuts, pan dulce, candles, shot glasses, tequila, fruit, flowers, and candies. I missed out on helping her create one this year and I’m a bit bummed… I’ve been so busy with other things that seem less important now… it’s also part of adjusting to not living at home where I’m more involved with my parents’ lives. I know my mom misses how close we used to be. So do I.

It’s really messed up about Jam Master Jay. I kept seeing a news crawl on MTV but I kept missing the first part. I flipped to E! and saw it on there and gasped in shock. So sad… and yet another reason why gun control is a good thing. But I digress.

I caught Persuasion on TV last night. I seem to always get teary eyed when I see a film adaptation of a Jane Austen novel by the end. It was a pretty chopped up version since it was on TV. Might have to rent it to see what I missed. I then caught this Jane Austen bug. I’ve never read anything by her as I wasn’t all that interested and pretty sure that I wouldn’t like any of her novels. I did a little searching to see what is considered her best work or what a first-timer should start with… there was no consensus from what I could tell. I did find that you can read most of her work online. So now I’m reading Pride and Prejudice… which I always thought was going to be very long and dry, but so far, I’m into chapter 6 and it’s flying by and much easier to read than I had expected. I should get an actual copy of the book but I wanted to know if it would be worthwhile and I believe it is. Once I’m done I want to watch the version of Pride and Prejudice that I’ve heard so many folks have drooled over.

I’m officially demented and obsessed. Of course, I already knew this about myself… but yeah. I’ve rewatched the two episodes of That 70′s Show so many times now it’s ridiculous. I about cried and pissed in my pants during the first viewing. “Ow, my eye!” “Good god, she is hot!” “God help me I am!” It was so freaking hilarious. I so wish I had taped the first two episodes of the season. Oh well. I think if I had, it would be a bad thing for my health.

I mean… my freaking god, I’ve started some fan fic about Hyde and Jackie. Help me.